In your late 50s, when you have been working for nearly 30 years and retirement is starting to appear, human relationships look different. In the past, I thought it was an ability to get along well with my boss, co-workers, business partners, and people in my group. However, on the day I return from meeting someone, there are times when I feel particularly tired even though I haven't done anything particularly difficult. I only think about this when I get home.
“Did I adjust too much again?”
This is the day when I observed the other person's expression throughout the conversation, guessed the answer I wanted to hear, and swallowed the words I didn't like. When I was young, wide relationships and amicable behavior were opportunities. However, when you are organizing your social life, the type of relationship that will continue comfortably after retirement becomes more important than the number of people.
It's not about breaking up a relationship, it's about finding space to make it last longer.
🌿 Rather than reducing people, try reducing the ‘way of trying’
Cutting off old ties all at once is neither realistic nor warm. The first thing to change is not the number of people, but the unreasonable effort I put in.
If you are in a relationship where you have to contact me first every time, try slightly increasing the interval between contacts. If you have attended all meetings, you can check your body and schedule first this time. This does not mean that you should push your opponent away. My job is to find a place where we can meet for a long time without getting tired.
As news of retirement becomes known, farewell gatherings, alumni gatherings, and calls asking about the future may increase all at once. If you respond with joy, you will be filled with promises until the weekend when you really need to rest. In this case, you can decide in advance how many meetings you will attend per month, or suggest lunch or a cup of tea instead of a dinner date. The sincerity of a relationship is closer to how comfortably people shared their feelings when they met rather than the length of time they stayed together.
💬 You don’t have to answer right away when asked a favor
People who find it difficult to refuse will find it even more difficult if they try to practice saying ‘I don’t like it’ first. It's natural to first prepare one sentence to postpone the answer.
- “I’ll tell you after looking at the schedule.”
- “It’s hard to answer right away today. I’ll let you know by tomorrow.”
- “I think it would be difficult for me to do that part.”
- “I think a little differently.”
There is no need to keep your words short and calm and then add lengthy explanations. The fact that the other person is momentarily disappointed and that I did something wrong are not the same thing.
AI 생성 by 낭만자두🫏 What the old Aesop's fables show
There is an old Aesop fable about a father and son who go to sell a donkey at the market. As the two men walk, a passerby asks them why they don't ride a donkey. It is said that if a son rides it, he makes an old man walk, and if a father rides it, it makes things difficult for his young son. As the two ride together, they are told that this time they are harassing the donkey.
They change their ways with every person they meet, but they never satisfy anyone. The reason this story has survived for so long may be because there was a desire to fit all evaluations in every era. The important thing is not to be stubborn and not listen to others at all, but to make a decision based on standards you can handle even after hearing their opinions.
The relationship before and after retirement is similar. Some people tell me to come to meetings more often, while others tell me to focus on my family now. Both statements may be well-intentioned, but in the end, you are the one who knows your health, time, and circumstances best.
🔎 After meeting, take a look at your heart for just 30 seconds
A good relationship isn't just about how often you meet. How I feel after the encounter is also an important criterion.
- Did you feel uncomfortable for a long time thinking about your mistake?
- Isn’t it convenient to have a relationship if I hide or exaggerate my circumstances?
- Can I still be respected even if I refuse?
- When something good happens, do you celebrate rather than compare?
You can't always have a comfortable relationship. However, if the more you meet, the smaller you become and the heavier your heart becomes, you need to adjust the number of times you meet and the way you communicate before blaming the person.
There's no need to base your relationship on just one or two moods. If you briefly mark the feeling after the meeting on your calendar as ‘comfort, average, guidance’, you will see a repeating trend. It may be more difficult to meet later or have drinks than with certain people. If you know the cause a little specifically, you can change the time and place without losing anyone.
AI 생성 by 낭만자두🤝 Even if you don't try to look good, there will be people left behind
As you get older, what is more important in relationships is trust rather than impressions. People who ask how I am without having to say nice things, people who wait for me even when I don't have to explain everything, and people who accept each other's changes even after seeing each other for a long time remain for a long time.
I just need to be that kind of person for someone else. Not someone who does every favor, but someone who is honest about what they can and cannot do. Even if you don't meet often, you are someone who listens to what the other person says without rushing when you do.
Today’s little practice
This week, why not try one of the two below?
- Think about the day instead of immediately answering a promise you don't feel like making.
- Briefly contact someone you feel comfortable with and say, “I suddenly remembered you and wanted to say hello.”
If you want to go a little further, divide the paper into three columns and write down ‘the relationship you want to continue, the relationship you want to adjust the distance between, and the relationship you want to express your gratitude for first’ to just one person. You don't have to try to organize all your contacts. It's enough to start with the one thing that's weighing heavily on my mind right now.
Lightening a relationship doesn't mean people disappearing. It may be about letting go of some of the feelings you have been forcing yourself to carry.
