During a long career, there are people you have to meet even if you don't like it, and there are events you have to attend even if you don't feel like it. I can't easily refuse an uncomfortable request because I think we might meet again in the same industry. However, as retirement approaches, you begin to reflect for the first time on whether you should continue this relationship in the same way in the future.
Ending a relationship in your late 50s is not about coldly cutting someone off. It is a matter of re-establishing the frequency of contact and the scope of requests so that we can live without overdoing each other even after the boundaries of work disappear.
Rather than deciding to end a relationship, it is important to be honest about the future distance.
🌿 Distinguish between grateful and obligatory relationships
When you think of the person you want to share the news of your retirement with, your mind quickly becomes confused. There are people I am truly grateful for, and there are also relationships I have maintained for a long time but do not want to continue outside of the company. You don't have to treat them both the same way.
Before deleting your contacts, you can divide them into three sections as follows.
- People you want to meet regularly even after retirement -Someone who occasionally exchanges greetings is enough - People who naturally want to distance themselves after work is over
Classification is not about valuing each other. It is a personal standard for deciding where to spend my time and mind.
AI 생성 by 낭만자두🏛️ The ‘return request’ that continued to arrive to Washington
George Washington resigned from his position as military commander after the Revolutionary War and returned to his farm, but whenever a crisis arose in the country, he received letters asking him to take on a public role again. In 1799, the third year after stepping down from office, there were movements calling for a third term, but he did not return.
The choices of historical figures cannot be directly transferred to personal relationships. However, the similarity is that for those who have once taken on great responsibility, the old expectations may continue to follow them even after they step down from their role. The fact that I can do it and the obligation to take it again are not the same thing.
Even retired people may be able to answer a question or two from their successors. However, it is difficult to start a new life if you continue to take personal responsibility for things that should be resolved by the organization. Determining the number and scope of assistance is not a denial of past experience, but a process of completing that role properly.
💬 You need to practice not answering requests right away
Even after retirement, you may continue to be asked to look at your old work for free or connect you with people. When the line between friendship and work becomes blurred, it may be pleasant at first, but it quickly becomes a burden. Having short sentences prepared in advance will help you draw the line before your feelings get hurt.
- “I will check the schedule and let you know by tomorrow.”
- “I can give you a simple opinion, but it is difficult to entrust it with practical work.”
- “We will ask the person concerned first for their contact information and then let you know.”
- “This time is difficult because I am currently organizing my life after retirement.”
Rather than making long excuses, clearly stating the scope of what is possible will save the relationship for a long time.
After retirement, work questions continue to be asked in group chat rooms, or personal contact may be made without going through the successor. Even if it seems like an urgent matter, try directing them to the company's official contact information first. If you do it for them once or twice, it may become a new practice.
If I want to share my experience, I can set a time and scope. Saying something like, “I can talk on the phone for 30 minutes this Friday, but I can’t write the materials,” can help you save your life without completely rejecting help. If it is a matter that will lead to paid consultation or re-employment, it is safe to confirm in writing the responsibility, compensation, and scope of confidentiality.
AI 생성 by 낭만자두🛡️ The closer you are, the more you can say new conditions.
It is difficult for a relationship to be comfortable if one party continues to give orders or request convenience even though the previous position or role has disappeared. After retirement, where you meet, how you share expenses, and when you can be contacted may change. People who respect each other's new lives will ultimately remain longer.
If you were in a high position before, you need to look at the inconveniences on the other side as well. Even if you communicated in a friendly manner, the other person may still take it as a request for work or an evaluation. If you ask how they are first and give them the leeway to say no, it becomes easier to restart the relationship as a person rather than a position.
However, if the relationship affects your safety or property, such as harassment, threats, or requests for money, it is better to keep a record and seek help from a trustworthy person or related professional organization rather than trying to resolve it alone.
☕ One thing to decide today
Instead of trying to organize all of your contact information, write down one person you want to keep in touch with in the future and one request you want to keep at arm's length. Knowing the scope of what I can tolerate comes first before the name of the relationship.
Retirement is not just a time to put down your business cards, it is a time to pick new relationship habits. We can continue warmer relationships that we are grateful for, and we can maintain courtesy and distance ourselves from relationships that have endured only out of obligation.
